So You Decided to Move to Thailand – Where the Hell Do You Choose to Live?

Sure, you’ve decided to move to another country. Big move. You're head is spinning already with possibilities. But, then you need to answer the question "where the hell do you actually choose to live?" When you're a chronic over-thinker and over-analyser, even when you've already "made up your mind", it's still not a simple question answer. A question I thought I'd answered, until it came time to actually do it.

Most people have a rough idea, sure. But the reality? You’re taking a shot in the dark. For someone like me—chronic overthinker and spreadsheet enthusiast—it was a mental gymnastics event. I sliced and diced the options a hundred different ways. Budget? Crucial. I can’t even count how many hours I spent looking up condos online, comparing value for money like I was day trading real estate.

And then there was the visa thing. I wanted to get an education visa to study Thai—speaking Thai, not reading or writing. Yeah, nah, I wasn’t about to learn a whole new alphabet at my age. That meant I had to find a town with a Thai language school that was both accommodating and decent. Sounds simple. Isn’t. Turns out needing a school really narrows your options.

Sure, I could’ve gone for a retirement visa—I’m over 50—but a) I genuinely wanted to study Thai and b) I wasn’t ready to drop a large chunk of cash into a Thai bank account on a whim. I mean, I thought I wanted to stay “forever”... but let’s be honest, part of me still had part of one butt cheek on the fence.

Visa Shenanigans

It's all fun and games until you have to deal with with Thai Immigration. The first roadblock? Age discrimination. Well, kind of, but everything can be sorted out one way, or another... When I asked schools in Phuket about getting an education visa, they told me I was too old. Too old?! According to the official rules, there’s no age cap. You just have to be over 17. But in Phuket? “Sorry, no can do.” In other provinces? “No problem!”

Welcome to Thailand, where rules are more like suggestions and vary by postal code, local staff, and mood on a given day.

And let’s talk about price. The cost of an education visa changes depending on which immigration office you’re dealing with. Phuket? About 5,000 baht. Where I ended up? Let’s just say... more. Much more. Maybe that’s why schools here say “no problem” with a visa. Education visas in Thailand are a bit of a rort, let’s be honest. Some schools are more in the business of selling visas than actually teaching Thai. Sure, you learn a little Thai as well. My school? I’ve seen people walk in, get their photo taken, then vanish into the wind. Never to be seen in any kind of class again. Don't try and understand, it's Thailand.

The Great Expat Survey: “Is This a Good Place to Live?”

I’m in a local Facebook group and the number of people asking, “Is this a good place to live?” drives me nuts. That’s like asking 20 strangers what you should have for dinner, expecting them all to say the exact thing you like to eat. It’s personal. It depends. There’s no right answer. Of course people who choose to live in a place like it, for their own reasons.

For me, the journey started before I even moved here. On a past trip, I stayed in Ao Nang overnight. Loved it. Said to my girlfriend, “I could live here.” Came back again, stayed a week, loved it even more. That planted the seed. Still, being the perfectionist I am, I had to be sure. So I checked out the usual suspects.

Phuket: The Tourist Machine

I’ve spent plenty of time in Phuket. Love it—in the low season. The beauty, the nightlife. But the tourists? Can’t stand them. Low season is tolerable. High season is chaos.

Phuket is basically a giant amusement park designed to funnel money out of the pockets of tourists and make them feel good about it. No matter what you want to do, what you want to see, or the particular itch you need to scratch, Phuket can and will help out.

If you’ve only been to Phuket and think you’ve “seen Thailand,” you’re kidding yourself. It’s not Thailand. It’s the Disneyland version crafted for the sole purpose of parting tourists, any type of tourist, from their money. If it was a waterpark it would have everything from the little kiddy pool to the full on naked and dangerous xxx rides, with every degree in between.

That doesn’t make Phuket bad, or wrong. Personally I love Phuket. As a tourist I think it's fantastic. These days it can be too busy, even in low season however and it is probably the most expensive part of thailand for anything, meaning it just isn't a very liveable place. I haven't even got onto how catastrophic the traffic can be. So if you're looking to find real Thai culture and a pleasant living experience this is really not a good place to look. Scratch that one off the list.

Pattaya: The Red Glow of Doom

Next up: Pattaya. I’ve got mates who live there, so I gave it a fair go. Spent two weeks trying to experience it as a local would—not just on holiday.

Look, we all know Pattaya’s rep. It’s like Phuket, but with more neon and way more “red light.” In reality it exist for one reason and one reason only. It’s basically an adult playground (for men) with a red glow you can see all the way from Bangkok. I’m not judging. You do you. It’s not that I don’t like Pattaya, I just think it would be a self-destructive place for any man to live. If I’d stayed there long term, I would’ve turned into a depraved and sleazy alcoholic faster than you can say “Chang beer.”

Yes, you can choose not to go to the sleazy joints. But if all your mates hang out there? You’re going. And let me tell you, some of the things I saw in Pattaya made even me cringe—and I’m not at all the prudish type.

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The place is packed with broken men. Midlife crises on legs. Guys trying to relive their youth, flex their wallets, and live out fantasies they never could back home. It’s an ego playground. And yeah, it’s addictive. Dangerous, even.

So, as fun as it is to visit, living there? Hard pass.

Hua Hin: The Sleeper With a Surprise

Then there was Hua Hin. Two hours from Bangkok on the opposite side to Pattaya. It had a lot going for it—less expensive than the big hotspots, more “Thai” in feel, still pretty central in Thailand. Not that I’m the “retiring” type, but it has a reputation for attracting retirees. But I had concerns.

For one, it’s surprisingly disconnected from the sea. Sure, it’s on the coast, but unless you’re in a beachside condo, you wouldn’t even know there’s an ocean. The town’s long and skinny, with buildings walling off the beach for most of its length. High tide? Forget it—many parts of the beach disappear. Don’t listen to anyone who raves about the beach in Hua Hin.

Also, it’s busy. Bustling. Not chaotic like Phuket, but not exactly peaceful either. And while the services and infrastructure are good, it just didn’t vibe with my idea of an “ideal place to live.”

Then there was the expat/tourist scene. Despite its "quiet retiree" reputation, Hua Hin is stereotypical as hell. Older foreign men with Thai partners as far as the eye can see. I couldn't believe how many single middle-aged men were walking around. One morning at a café, I looked around and realised I was surrounded by nine other foreign guys. No locals. NO women. None. It was actually embarrassing. I kept telling people, in Thai, “I live in Thailand” just to distance myself from how ridiculously cliché the place is for tourists.

And don’t believe the myth that Hua Hin is sleepy and only for retirees. The place is loaded with girly bars. One street runs 400 metres and it’s nothing but girly bars. That’s just one of many. Its sleaze flies under the radar, but it’s definitely there. For a place the size of Hua Hin it has an absurd number of girly bars.

Not that I have a problem with girly bars, not one bit. But, the shear number is an indication of the type of expats and tourist who go there and what your social life would entail if you made friends. Oh, I'm embarressed enough being a single and older foreign man in Thailand, let alone being seen as part of the ridonculous cliche in Hua Hin. I don't have a problem with what someone else may think about me but I don't think any decent guy would like people thinking he was just another sleazy farang.

So yeah... scratch Hua Hin too.

Ao Nang, Krabi: The Not-So-Perfect Perfect Place

That left me with Ao Nang in Krabi on my list of possibilities. I’m not surprised this is where I ended up. I’d already analysed the hell out of it, spent time here previously and knew what I liked. However, I did arrive with a critical eye for the first few weeks to make sure it was where I would settle for now.

I know I’m going to sound like a travel brochure now, but I don’t care—this place is stunning. It’s a seaside town surrounded by dramatic monolithic mountains with islands just offshore. Near the beach, it gets touristy—especially in high season (great in low season)—but head inland and it’s all Thai. Go to the local markets? 99% Thai people.

Despite the influx of tourists, Ao Nang has managed to hold onto its “Thainess.” Which is perfect for someone like me who wants to learn the language, and in hindsight, immerse themselves in Thai Culture. Plenty of locals here still don’t speak much English. Unlike in Phuket, where English is practically mandatory if you work in tourism.

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It’s not centrally located—about eight hours from Bangkok—but for me, that’s fine. I wanted photography to be part of the things I do in Thailand, and there’s no shortage of inspiration in the local area. Within three minutes of leaving my home, I’m riding past jaw-dropping scenery. I don’t need to travel far.

Clearly looking at the other places I considered, proximity to water was an important consideration. In Ao Nang I get that and so much more. I think it's the most beautiful part of Thailand. When I'm heading back into the area after being away, it's obvious when I'm getting close to home. Stunning.

It’s Not Perfect. But Nothing Is.

Are there downsides to Ao Nang? Of course.

Thai locals tend to lump all foreigners into one category—tourist. So the locals who work with tourists are ok with you, when they're working, but when they're not working, they really don't want to know you. As for the locals who don't work with tourists, they're tough to crack at any time. I guess that just goes with the territory in any tourist area. Perhaps a little more in somewhere like Ao Nang where it's small and more blended than full on tourist.

Mature and single foreign men are even more pigeonholed. Extremely attractive to a certain group of Thai women, and it feels like we're a pariah to all other women. They assume all single men are here to party and hook up with local girls. Most decent Thai women won’t give you the time of day until someone they trust tells then you really do live here and they vouch for you as a person.

What about the vast majority of expats I meet here? Let’s just say they’re not the kind of people I’d choose to hang out with back home. I dare say I would find this problem with most expats anywhere. I came to realise quickly that I live here for different reasons to most of them. That's cool, to each their own.

Some days, I’d rather live in a village full of Thai people and skip the expat and tourist scene altogether. Maybe in the future, when I can speak Thai better. Although my choices do put pressure on me to become somewhat conversational in Thai. To be fair to myself, I do ok in day to day life, but that doesn't build relationships. Contrary to popular belief, most people in thailand and most certainly away from tourist areas do not speak english. It's Thailand, they don't need to.

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It gets lonely sometimes. I miss real conversations in English, where I don’t have to abridge my thoughts, words or slow everything down. But honestly? I don’t miss the expat attitudes I seem to be distancing myself from more each day. At the moment the opportunity cost of speakng with expats i find generally not worth it.

And yeah, I’ve had moments where I wondered if I should move somewhere else. Moments I've second, third and fourth guessed myself. But the real question is: are my issues with this town, or are they with me?

Not one to shy away from self-assesment it turns out, it’s me. . I’m in the middle of a personal growth journey that just so happens to coincide with moving to a foreign country. I’ve put myself in this weird “no man’s land” between cultures—and that’s not easy. The reality is that wherever I lived I would have to do work to “fit in” with the type of people that resonate with me. It’s just easier in a non-tourist area. But recognising that is half the battle. FYI, I think that no matter what, Thai people will always see us as foreign, I mean separate. We are ALWAYS labelled and referred to as Farang. But we do the best we can to reduce the gap, wherever we live. or we should.

Oh, it's really tough finding quiet village life near the ocean. Anywhere decent has tourist. So i guess that's a huge concession I'd need to make. Hmmmm

The Real Decision

So for now, unless something drastically changes or I have a really compelling reason, I’m staying in Ao Nang. It turns out that even staying in the same place can still be forward progress on your personal journey.

And maybe that’s the lesson. You don’t need to keep moving to keep moving forward.