What Is It About Thailand That Makes Me Feel So Comfortable

Ken Kitson
Aug 27
7 min read

Updated: Sep 3

When I first moved to Thailand, I thought I was just chasing adventure. Sunshine, new food, new life. But the longer I stayed, the more I realised: what made Thailand feel like home wasn’t geography—it was culture. Not only the "Thai" part of the culture. The part that reminded me of how Australia used to be, when I was younger, before we forgot who we were.

The Death of the “Australian” Social Contract

Sure, there’s a lot to be learned by living in Thailand and embracing Thai social values. But if I drill right down into why it’s so attractive to me, two things stand out—and they hit me hard, like a slap in the face.

They revealed exactly what Australian “culture” has become.

I know this will piss some people off. I sound like I’m being judgemental about my home country, no doubt. Let me be clear, I love Australia. I served in the Army when I was young to do my part to protect it. I would have died for my country. But, Australia isn’t the country it use to be, and that’s my point. I’m not sure many older Australians would disagree. Maybe this is why so many foreigners are drawn to Thailand—it reminds them of what their own country used to be like. Certainly true for Australia.

Whenever I’ve spoken with other expats and explained how Thai culture mirrors aspects of how Australia used to be, you can see the penny drop. They get that “ah ha” moment, like I just handed them the missing piece of a puzzle.

Some may react and call me racist, sexist, or some kind of “ist” for looking back fondly at what once was. I realise it's not fashionable in Australia to "be" and Aussie. Look, I don’t care if you’re purple and have quadruple genders, it’s bigger than that. Here’s the truth: not everything from Australia’s past was bad. “Mateship,” for example, shaped much of what was good about the country. It gave Australia its unique flavour. We were known for something. Something made us different. Mateship wasn’t just a military myth—it soaked through everyday life. Everyone was a “mate,” and no one took offence at the word. None of this “bro” rubbish. You could wander anywhere in the country, and whether someone liked you or not, you were still “mate.”

So let’s dig into the things that make Thai society feel different to today’s West—but eerily familiar to how Australia used to be.

Greng Jai – The Art of Not Inconveniencing Others

I was out with my Thai girlfriend at a restaurant once. She ordered in Thai, but when the dish came, it clearly wasn’t what she asked for. I could tell from the way she poked at it with her spoon and the look on her face.

“Let’s just tell the waiter,” I said.

Her disappointment immediately turned into horror.“No, no—it’s ok, we can’t say anything.”

I knew enough Thai to confirm she’d been given the wrong dish. But instead of sending it back, she insisted we let it slide.

This is a perfect example of greng jai—the deeply ingrained Thai tendency to avoid bothering or inconveniencing others. Even when they need help, Thais will ask for “a little help.” The word “little” is built into the phrase itself. The Thai word for “help” isn’t used on its own. It’s almost apologetic, as if even asking feels like an imposition.

And if they absolutely must complain (in the mildest sense of the word), they’ll feel bad about it and probably be more embarrassed than the person they're speaking with.

For foreigners, this can be maddening—until you realise it’s simply not in their makeup to cause a scene. You either accept it, or you’re just another loud foreigner stomping around like you own the place.

In Australia, we used to be a bit like that. My mum would say, “don’t cause a fuss.” If someone stuffed up, it wasn’t the end of the world. We’d let it go. But today? Everything is a drama. If things don’t go exactly our way, we blow it up until we “get what we deserve.” Or believe we deserve at least. Australians were never the ones to make any kind of “scene”.

Sabai Sabai – The Lifestyle of Ease

“Sabai sabai” is one of those Thai phrases that doesn’t translate neatly. It means “relax,” “take it easy,” or “comfortable”—but really, it’s a whole-of-life philosophy, it’s a way of being.

Thais don’t let what they can’t change steal their happiness. Life should be sabai sabai. Tranquil. Easy-going. Content. You have to work extremely hard to ruffle feathers of a Thai person.

Of course, for Westerners, this can be infuriating. It can seem like they don’t care. But it’s not indifference—it’s acceptance. Why get worked up about what you can’t control?

You see it clearly in relationships with a Thai person. Break up with a Thai (who’s not with you for money), and instead of tears and fireworks, you’ll often get a shrug and an “ok.” Not because she doesn’t care, but because they understand they can’t control your choice. Note: Childish games trying to get a reaction from a Thai person don’t result as a westerner may hope

It’s funny. In the West, we pay psychologists thousands to teach us “mindfulness.” Thais just live it.

Back in old Australia, we had shades of this too. We let things roll off our shoulders. We were calm, even in adversity. Reserved, not reactive. Humble, not egotistical. We didn’t hand over control of our emotions to every external trigger. Somewhere along the line, we lost that.

Mai Bpen Rai – “No Problem” and Actually Meaning It

Closely tied to sabai sabai is mai bpen rai—literally, “no problem.”

Someone bumps into you? Mai bpen rai. You’re late meeting a friend? Mai bpen rai. And they actually mean it. It’s not just polite words—it’s genuine. No problem.

It ties back into greng jai, too. Why embarrass someone over a small mistake? Why make a fuss? Something happened. It wasn’t done maliciously. No point making something of nothing.

Old Australia had this in spades. Spill someone’s beer in a pub, you’d apologise, offer to buy the next one, and nine times out of ten you’d get:“No worries, mate. All good.”

These days? You’re more likely to get abuse, maybe even a fight. People are spoiling for a reason to be angry.

Respect Everyone

Respect is built into Thai society. Older people, police, strangers, everyone—respect is the default.

One day in Phuket, a five-year-old boy accidentally cut in front of me on the footpath. I stumbled to avoid him. I wasn’t bothered. It was a kid racing to keep up with his mother. It was an accident. He realised immediately what he’d done, then hocked me. He stopped, turned, gave me a wai (palms pressed together and a bow-as Thai people do), and said, “Sorry.” He was five years old!

Even if a Thai doesn’t like you, they’ll still be polite—unless you’ve given them a serious reason not to be. And even then, you’ll usually get a polite façade or be ignored, not confrontation.

Contrast that with Australia now. I see news clips of people openly abusing police. That never used to happen. Once upon a time, respect was mutual, and if it wasn’t—well, let’s just say the cops were free to give you a “touch up.”

Respecting your elders in Australia? It was drilled into us as kids. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had young guys get abusive at the gym because I dared ask them how much longer they’d be using a piece of equipment.

Walk down any street in Australia and there are demographics that expect you to get out of their way. It use to be we all just stayed out of each other’s way. No one thought they were better than anyone else. Today, many, many... many people think theyre better than everyone else. Or theyre just ignorant.

These days, there’s zero respect for authority. Zero respect for each other. And yes, some cultural groups are worse than others—but overall, it’s everyone. Now, entitlement, arrogance and ego rule.

Why Thailand Feels Like Home

There had to be a reason I felt comfortable in Thailand from day one. Maybe it’s because I’ve clung to those “old Australian” values in a place where they’ve evaporated back home.

Reservedness over fuss. Humility over ego. Respect over entitlement.

It pains me to admit it, but Australia today feels morally poorer. The social contracts that made us unique have all but disappeared and we are now a "Heinz" group, with nothing to define "us".

Selfishness, ego, self-entitlement—they’ve stripped away what made the country unique. People often these days say Australia has no culture. We did have and we were known for it. We just lost it. Or, allowed it to be diluted until it's almost unrecognisable.

The point is, Thai people, for me, are easy to be around—not because they’re exotic or “different,” but because there's similarities to how Australians used to be.

When I tell Thai friends that I don’t like being around foreigners, they’re surprised. But it’s true. I’d happily live in a village of only Thais. Most foreigners cling to their old ways (like the way they would be forced to deal with people back in their home country), constantly frustrated at Thai-ness. They’ve forgotten what the West used to be like “back in the day.”

For me, living in Thailand isn’t about escaping—it’s about going home.

So maybe that’s the secret—Thailand isn’t just attractive because of what it offers, but because of what it reflects back at us. A reminder of who we once were. A mirror we don’t always want to look into, or even realise is there.

But that’s just my take. What about you—have you ever lived somewhere that felt more like “home” than home itself?